Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
