He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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