I threw up into my coffee this morning.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
