I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
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