my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She bit a glass in half.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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