I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
