How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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