I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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