Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.