His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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