Everything about him screamed your future.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
