i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
