Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
