she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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