speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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