I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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