Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
