fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.