today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
