Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree