some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.