Texts From Last Night

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  (478): View more from Georgia

  wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.

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  (478): wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward. http://tfl.nu/6j2p
  Replies (13) Good night (947) Bad night (2075)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.

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  (847): Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy. http://tfl.nu/pes5
  Replies (12) Good night (543) Bad night (3938)
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  (936): View more from Texas

  im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...

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  (936): im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses... http://tfl.nu/w5rv
  Replies (6) Good night (3728) Bad night (975)
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  (845): View more from New York

  First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...

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  (845): First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio... http://tfl.nu/v0nt
  Replies (39) Good night (1017) Bad night (4354)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Oh yeah.

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  (770): You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend! (706): Oh yeah. http://tfl.nu/uvwd
  Replies (23) Good night (3950) Bad night (1084)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.

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  (902): He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock. http://tfl.nu/ce76
  Replies (20) Good night (3061) Bad night (5130)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore

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  (203): So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore http://tfl.nu/h83b
  Replies (11) Good night (841) Bad night (5303)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.

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  (614): woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever. http://tfl.nu/n8fb
  Replies (6) Good night (3176) Bad night (999)
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  (310): View more from California

  He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.

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  (310): He's pole dancing on a heat lamp. http://tfl.nu/0l62
  Replies (9) Good night (1471) Bad night (3396)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?

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  (706): He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom? http://tfl.nu/9suz
  Replies (32) Good night (1455) Bad night (4875)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP

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  (240): SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP http://tfl.nu/udxy
  Replies (18) Good night (755) Bad night (2328)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?

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  (617): Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night? http://tfl.nu/bhmq
  Replies (4) Good night (401) Bad night (1095)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator

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  (701): You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator http://tfl.nu/12pr
  Replies (3) Good night (675) Bad night (394)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.

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  (541): I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards. http://tfl.nu/slrk
  Replies (1) Good night (518) Bad night (280)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.

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  (252): They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher. http://tfl.nu/qrpm
  Replies (7) Good night (788) Bad night (244)

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