Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.