dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
If I had your ass I would rule the world
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
