You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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