dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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