Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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