thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
