we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
my shit smells like andre
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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