just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
