your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
