TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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