Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Randomize
