I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
