these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
