then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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