i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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