Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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