Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
