nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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