If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
