he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
