I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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