can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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