i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
