My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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