im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
