it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
