This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
