he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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