you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize