Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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