you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
