I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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