I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
