a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
