big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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