i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
