He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
