i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
