Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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