there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
