What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
