so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
