I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
