You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
