i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
