I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize