How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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